So the Giants better not expect from me the kind of holiday gifts they can afford to pass on to others. In other words, no Porsches, Escalades or minks.
No Jersey Shore homes, Manhattan flats or Miami Beach condos.
But I will do my best, or worst, depending upon whether I like the player, to find suitable holiday offerings for your favorite players. Some of the gifts are no-brainers, like an ear-shattering bullhorn for Antonio Pierce next time he wants to stir it up in the locker room.
Or a change of expression for Eli Manning; a new right ankle for Plaxico Burress; or a copy of "My Favorite Journalists" for William Joseph, who already owns, "First-round busts" in both paperback and hard cover.
Derrick Ward needs a sturdy set of body armor to keep him off the injured list. Brandon Jacobs receives a glossy motivational pamphlet, authored by Mel Kiper, detailing every back chosen before his fourth-round call in the 2005 draft.
Jeremy Shockey will be embroidered with a new tattoo reading, "The Quiet Man" to describe his 2007 demeanor. Chris Snee, of course, gets a video of "Vacation" for tips on offseason outings with the entire family, and I mean, ENTIRE family.
Michael Strahan needs a wall-sized 2008 calendar with training-camp dates highlighted so he can plan accordingly.
Couldn't resist getting David Diehl a T-shirt reading "Told you so" in reference to the doubters, and there were many, that he couldn't handle the starting job at left tackle.
That's about it, I'm tapped.
Oops, almost forgot, we've saved the best for last for coach Tom Coughlin.
A new contract.
I don't have the authority to fill in the numbers. But I'll supply the paper and suggest the term – two years on top of the year left on his current deal. With this gift comes the assurance that he will take the necessary steps to cut down on the team's injuries. When a team suffers this many injuries year in and year out, it's not a coincidence. It's a trend.
The only caveat to this gift is if the Giants implode in their final three games and the playoffs. Then I'll replace the contract with another piece of paper, this one decidedly pink. Sorry, I get a bit fickle this time of year.
But hey, if the thought of three more years of Coughlin doesn't have you dancing under the mistletoe, I'm not sure anything will.